1. I love music - classical music, jazz, blues, bossa nova, some pop, little rock, a little alternative... nothing metal nor trance. I'm not a big fan of rap/hip hop. It's imperative for me that someone likes the same music as I do. Things would not be pretty otherwise.

2. I'm an incredible home person. It's true. I absolutely love to spend time at home with my family.

3. I'm predictable and boring. But I love to travel. I love to try crazy things like sky diving (not base jumping!!), paragliding...

4. I can devote my life to playing the piano and learning languages. I'm currently spending my summer dabbling in music, learning French... ignoring German a little. ;)

5. I love cities, but would really like to go to some place less developed. On my list are some countries in Asia, and going to other exotic places like South America and Antarctica. I definitely HAVE to go to Antarctica. It's one of my must-dos before I die things.

The things running through my head as I am now, finally, talking to you:

1. Your eyes look so old.
2. I miss you.
3. My heart was sinking initially, but I'm coming to terms that this is real.
4. You don't give a fuck.
5. I miss you a lot.
6. 10,710km.
7. I haven't seen you in so long. How do you look like now?
8. I miss your voice.
9. Is your face still as thin as I remember it?
10. Are you sleeping with someone?
11. Are you seeing someone?
12. How does your room like, how does it feel like to be in the same room with you?
13. I haven't forgot how it feels like to hold you.
14. I miss you still.

15. I need alcohol. Quick, and fast.
16. I wish I don't have to feel #1-#15 all the same.

Labels: men

German is finally getting harder for me so I'm putting in more effort for it. I really want to take up a 4th language but I guess focusing on German more is the right way to go now.

Things are looking okay at this point.

I'm trying not to talk about you, but I'm feeling okay about you too so let's talk about you. I've come a distance since the last day of 2008. I've stopped crying a long time ago. I can't say that I've stopped missing you but the hurt and the pain is mostly gone. I miss you once in a while.

I'm at peace and calm with whatever's happened in my life. It's been nearly a quarter of the new year without you and I've come to terms that:
a) Not only aren't you going to come back,
b) Your life is great without me
c) You're dating some other people
d) You're probably sleeping with them too.

I think though if your facebook status changes to being in a relationship I'd just literally die. But then I'd come to terms with that too eventually.

I've stopped looking out and waiting for you on Skype. I've stopped being lost and caught in a daze. A lot of my life's under control although honestly I'm not thriving yet.

I used to be so angry at you for not having time. I was disappointed. But it's gone. I'm beyond all that anger, all that disappointment.

This is what we call closure.

And I miss my university best friends like crazy.

I erased your number from my phone.

Your name. Every contact detail. That was how mad I was at you.

*

You know even when you're gone, when I've already let you go, I still get asked about you by none other than her. Screw this. I don't want people to analyse what went wrong. We both know what went wrong, and that's good enough for me.

I don't even want to hear a single word about you. I don't want to hear your name get mentioned. I don't want you to be referred to. If it's over, it's over. If I want to get over someone, the last thing I really want is for people to ask me to contact you, because that isn't my style.

I don't go back and date people I used to date.

I've learned long enough that it never works.

I love you, you were great, but you're no exception. It's through, it's over. Screw everyone who wants to meddle in my business.

Labels: anger is healthy, men

[1:33:32 AM] i say: he has got a gf unfortunately
[1:33:39 AM] i say: these things happen
[1:33:48 AM] i say: note: instead of "why do these things happen?" i resign to my fate

Hello, world.

It's Sunday, it's late, I'm tired, crazed, but happy. Good productive weekend, good, lovely friends. God has been good to me. :)

Labels: all things german, friends, I AM HAPPY

It's 11.24pm, I'm tired of secrets.

I need a hug, or maybe some alcohol.

It all began with "How are you?".

Without thinking I typed, finally, "Not so good..."

*

I breathed in for a while and then I held onto your air. When I spoke, I weighed my words carefully.

"I never do this," I hear myself say. "It's always the other way around."

I remember looking into your eyes; they are dark blue. So clear and beautiful.

And now, slightly more than a month later, I am feeling a little bit better. I'm quite sure that if I return to Switzerland I'd just be a wreck. I'd walk through the streets of Zürich feeling awful. Almost every big city in Switzerland is stamped with a memory. I brought all those memories across the Pacific Ocean. I get a pang once a week these days. Sometimes you just come to mind and I feel upset, disappointed, resigned. But the pain goes away quickly. On these days I just wish you didn't exist and that you don't have to keep resurfacing.

Then on some others I just smile and be glad that I met you. After all, I did love you didn't I?

Labels: insomnia, living in switzerland, memories of, men, reminiscing