1. I love music - classical music, jazz, blues, bossa nova, some pop, little rock, a little alternative... nothing metal nor trance. I'm not a big fan of rap/hip hop. It's imperative for me that someone likes the same music as I do. Things would not be pretty otherwise.

2. I'm an incredible home person. It's true. I absolutely love to spend time at home with my family.

3. I'm predictable and boring. But I love to travel. I love to try crazy things like sky diving (not base jumping!!), paragliding...

4. I can devote my life to playing the piano and learning languages. I'm currently spending my summer dabbling in music, learning French... ignoring German a little. ;)

5. I love cities, but would really like to go to some place less developed. On my list are some countries in Asia, and going to other exotic places like South America and Antarctica. I definitely HAVE to go to Antarctica. It's one of my must-dos before I die things.

So I'm sitting here at my friend's place doing my work, and we start listening to what I'd call music of the world. I listen to the wackiest of German music, and then no one appreciates Singapore's music hahahaha.

I've done four painfully, intricately created powerpoint slides today (7 more painful ones to go) and revised a chapter of Finance.

If there's a person I'd not lie to, it's you. I've never, ever lied to you, and sometimes I wonder if you know that. I'm not seeing anyone else right now. Nor am I interested in anyone else in the whole world. I don't have crazy ex-es who're in still love with me.

I'm very much alone. :)

The reason why I did want to go and study at your place was because I wanted to show you her f.acebook profile. And you know, if you asked for me to remove that, I would. But you didn't.

Usually when this happens I turn to alcohol, but I've been good for one week without any beer or vodka.

I need alcohol badly so I can sleep tonight, but I hate the idea of drinking alone.

I spent the whole of last night wondering why I ever did call you. I don't call. I never do. But it seems like with you, I'm breaking so many of my own rules.

At least miss me, so I know you're not made of stone.

Labels: living in switzerland, memories of, men

我从来都没想过自己也会有这一天；我没有想过自己也会对你有感觉。本来我答应过自己不许对你有任何感觉，但是慢慢地，在那霎时间，忘了自己的地位，才会弄出今日的怀念。我遇上你的时候已经决定不会对你撒谎，因为我不想伤害你。谁知道我会是那位受到伤害的人？我最不喜欢人家早已跟我预约好，最后还跟我推掉。。。你就是这样推掉我五次了，但是我一声不吭因为你总是有理由。。。但是昨晚你真的令我太失望了。我也不能跟你说自己的感觉，因为我不要显得霸道，不讲理由。

反正我在这里的日子也不多，所以才觉得你可以就这样地抛弃我。但是那时，我并不这么认为，因为在我心里，我一直深深地相信你不是这样的人。。。怎么知道我看人看了十九年，还竟然可以被骗。现在我想忘了你也不行，因为。。。

*
10 things that happened this week:

1. I did not travel
2. I had a productive Saturday studying at a friend's place :)
3. If you wondered why I was in "Z.urich", I wasn't. I was at Z.urich's airport to send my Mom off. She was visiting. Didn't I tell you I'd never lie to you? And that's why I wanted company - not anyone else's but yours - yesterday because I felt hollow after she left.
4. I explored a new place in this town. But I got frostbite on my toes doing that. (Yes, I suck haha.)
5. Two days in a row I burned the chicken wings I cooked.
6. I invented efficient cooking, which I told Josh but he didn't bother to reply me on Skype cos it was 3AM in S.ingapore.
7. I invented a new form of char mee whilst cooking cos I THOUGHT I was late for a meeting.
8. I wasn't. It happened three hours later than I anticipated.
9. You disappointed me.
10. I spent the whole of last night waiting for your call. I've never been more pathetic; no other guy has ever taken up that much of my time.

Tonight's the last night I'd wait for your call. After this I'd know there's nothing left to wait for.

At least, miss me once in a while.

Labels: living in switzerland, men

As I took the train back this morning home, I was just fighting back all my tears. Looking out at the window calmed me; winter is here, everywhere is covered in snow, and all the small towns looked so charming. Beautiful.

I was just thinking that I can't stand leaving you. I really can't. I can't deal with the distance and not knowing when I'd ever see you again. I don't know when I came to this conclusion, but when I cried for the first time in months just thinking about this, it made me realise that I really, and possibly am, in love with you.

Just so you know, I never came here expecting this to happen.

Labels: living in switzerland, men

I need someone to hold.

I almost chose to go to the UK to do my undergraduate degree. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. If I had done that, I won't be here right now.

I almost read a double degree in Business and Law, if I did that, I won't be here right now.

I almost applied for a double degree in Business and Law in year 1. If I did that, and got through, I won't be here right now.

I almost chose to go to New York instead of here because I was so in love with the city. If I did that, I won't be here right now.

And I still can't believe I'm here right now.

Tell me I don't have to be out there again, and I'd believe you.

Labels: living in switzerland

A very long time ago (think years, not months);

"You're rich, pretty and smart... what else do you want?"

"I don't think I'm any of these things."

*

Usually my life is more private than this, but to explain the entries made from March to June/July...

This summer I dated someone whom I had a history with seven years ago. It turned out to be one of the happiest and most painful things I had to deal with this year. I had to deal with the prospect of being physically apart from him for the whole of his university education, and I had to deal with the fact that his social life was much more packed than mine was (a feat no less, but I was working long hours then in the office).

I dealt with a lot more rubbish, but I liked him. I really did. I told myself that I'd never date someone like that ever again, someone whom I'd eventually have to live without physically, and worse, someone whom I know will leave me. He was leaving late June/early July and from then onwards we wouldn't see each other for half a year. I hated counting down to the number of days we had left together. It was like stamping an expiration date on us.

But obviously I got over him; he was never that into me anyway, and I realised that I was worth more than that. Time heals wounds and feelings. We're still good friends, but I swear I'd never like him again. I can never be with a guy who can't commit into anything, and I can never be with a guy who dates you and still dares to go around shopping for someone else. I could do that, but I'd never stoop that low. There's just so much of him I didn't agree with, that I forced myself to look past because I was so in love with him.

Like I said, I'm over him already. My time here in E.urope really healed a lot of me. In the past when people asked me if I'm in a relationship, I never know how to answer that question - "Well, I'm kinda seeing this guy for a couple of months now but we're not together." Now, when asked the same question, I can happily say that I'm single. It's the most liberating thing in the world. That night when I was eating supper with my friends whilst waiting for my flight to S.witzerland, he actually dared to call me. I've already had enough of people who THINK that they can just call me and expect my feelings to come back again and I had enough of dating guys who can't commit to anything.

I don't want to date any guy again whom I have no idea where I stand. I don't regret the time we spent together, because at least it taught me a lesson on what not to do again.

And I'm just really happy I made the right decision in leaving that toxic waste. :)

Labels: living in switzerland, memories of, men

I could write an essay about this, but really, I spent the past few days in S.candinavia thinking about you.

I can already think of five arguments against you, but it's never measured this way. Then again I never had any reassurance, so why continue this? I could go home and have my pick.

Unless I really, really do feel something for you.

Labels: living in switzerland, men

"Wait. One important question..."

"I know what you want to ask."

And you're right. 当局者迷，旁观者污。 I know what to do.

And gosh, I'd never know what to do without my friends. Love all of you :))

Labels: living in switzerland

Sunday morning was spent in S.alzburg, A.ustria watching people play life-sized chess, listening to violin music nearby and watching hordes of Chinese tourists march into the plaza armed with their cameras.

I was without one, and for one time, I felt like I belonged to this place. I didn't feel European, not at all, but I felt like I could live here forever.

All that travelling without you made me really miss your company somehow.

Labels: living in switzerland, travelling

Omg I love my friends so much :)

My close friends all know that I'm living out the last days of my teenage years and I have become very angsty in the process. Plus the amount of work I have has been... INSURMOUNTABLE. I've been too pampered here in Europe and haven't got my S.ingaporean mugging mojo back!

However today's a day of pleasant surprises.

Got a text from Vel all the way from home. I just smiled when I saw her text.

Then I got online and checked my email. Ced you have no idea how much your email made me feel loved. :) I talked to Josh (whom I haven't talked to in ages), and who immediately cheered me up...

I say:
HI
Josh says:
this is automated reply
Josh says:
joshua is currently sleeping...
Josh says:
have a nice day...

I related my story of getting lost (I'm bad at directions) yet AGAIN in S.witzerland even though I've lived here for almost three months. He said I've been lost ever since the start of University, which was kind of funny (long story there). I'm listening to his carol song right now. It's so peaceful and lovely... I'm downloading it onto my mobile to listen to it during my road trip! Haha.

And then I talked to Jon, whom I haven't talked to in ages too and it made me so happy just talking. The past few days I've been longing for a bit of familiarity, a bit of peace, and they brought me it.

And of course Mel's email cheered me up too. Which reminded me. I texted Geoff today to wish him an early Happy Birthday and Geoff always makes me smile for no reason. Which reminds me of Kel and a particular funny part in our conversation recently:

(Date, Time, Sender, Recipient, Message)
17/10/2008 9:37:28 PM christine .: Kel :. i'm gonna abstain from alcohol
17/10/2008 9:37:32 PM christine .: Kel :. (!!! i know)
17/10/2008 9:37:34 PM .: Kel :. christine lol?
17/10/2008 9:37:39 PM christine .: Kel :. yesterday i was reading CNN
17/10/2008 9:37:47 PM christine .: Kel :. and apparently this study says that if you drink alcohol
17/10/2008 9:37:51 PM christine .: Kel :. like no matter the amount
17/10/2008 9:37:54 PM christine .: Kel :. it'd shrink your brain
17/10/2008 9:37:56 PM christine .: Kel :. LIKE YOUR BRAIN
17/10/2008 9:38:00 PM .: Kel :. christine uh oh
17/10/2008 9:38:03 PM .: Kel :. christine tremoprarily
17/10/2008 9:38:06 PM .: Kel :. christine eh shit
17/10/2008 9:38:08 PM christine .: Kel :. permanently!
17/10/2008 9:38:08 PM .: Kel :. christine temporarily
17/10/2008 9:38:12 PM .: Kel :. christine lol
17/10/2008 9:38:17 PM christine .: Kel :. i ain't gonna let that happen no more
17/10/2008 9:38:28 PM .: Kel :. christine we'll discuss that when you get back

I was trying to find this recent conversation of Josh & I, and then cos MSN keeps all my previous conversations I stumbled onto this one in 2007 which got me cracking:

(Date, Time, Sender, Recipient, Message)
4/10/2007 12:13:32 AM Joshua christine hes got a body i should aspire towards eh
4/10/2007 12:13:33 AM christine Joshua i mean acsb
4/10/2007 12:13:35 AM christine Joshua or acjc
4/10/2007 12:13:39 AM Joshua christine fatty ol me
4/10/2007 12:13:42 AM Joshua christine acs br
4/10/2007 12:13:44 AM christine Joshua LOL
4/10/2007 12:13:53 AM Joshua christine what so funny
4/10/2007 12:14:14 AM Joshua christine ..
4/10/2007 12:14:17 AM christine Joshua haha the way you say it
4/10/2007 12:14:20 AM christine Joshua like some old english dude
4/10/2007 12:14:26 AM christine Joshua in the ancient victorian era
4/10/2007 12:14:36 AM Joshua christine christine, stop drinking
4/10/2007 12:14:42 AM christine Joshua okok
4/10/2007 12:14:44 AM Joshua christine its not good for your liver
4/10/2007 12:14:46 AM christine Joshua i'll get back to my work
4/10/2007 12:14:49 AM christine Joshua I'M NOT DRINKING
4/10/2007 12:14:49 AM Joshua christine anyway
4/10/2007 12:14:53 AM Joshua christine i tink the guy is damn hot la
4/10/2007 12:14:54 AM Joshua christine seriously
4/10/2007 12:14:54 AM christine Joshua i swear it's probably bad ventilation
4/10/2007 12:14:59 AM Joshua christine look at this biceps
4/10/2007 12:15:00 AM Joshua christine omg
4/10/2007 12:15:00 AM christine Joshua why would one guy think that another guy is hot!
4/10/2007 12:15:01 AM Joshua christine awesome
4/10/2007 12:15:03 AM Joshua christine haha
4/10/2007 12:15:07 AM Joshua christine CUZ THATS ME YOU TOOT
4/10/2007 12:15:12 AM christine Joshua IT'S YOU
4/10/2007 12:15:16 AM christine Joshua WHY YOU CALL ME TOOT
4/10/2007 12:15:17 AM christine Joshua I'M HURT
4/10/2007 12:15:25 AM Joshua christine christine is high..
4/10/2007 12:15:30 AM christine Joshua *starts laughing maniacally*
4/10/2007 12:15:31 AM Joshua christine im gonna save this conversation
4/10/2007 12:15:40 AM christine Joshua NOOOOO DONT SAVE IT
4/10/2007 12:15:41 AM christine Joshua HAHAHA
4/10/2007 12:15:42 AM Joshua christine if ure high, its okay.. but odnt email the MNO grp and say im high
4/10/2007 12:15:52 AM christine Joshua i didn't say i was high!!
4/10/2007 12:15:52 AM Joshua christine "hey guys!im christine and im drunk! on stale air!"
4/10/2007 12:15:54 AM christine Joshua WHERE IN THE WORLD
4/10/2007 12:16:01 AM christine Joshua YOU OVER EXAGGERATER
4/10/2007 12:16:27 AM christine Joshua EH SEND ME JON'S TERM PAPER
4/10/2007 12:16:29 AM Joshua christine you eggbeaterrrer
4/10/2007 12:16:31 AM Joshua christine no way
4/10/2007 12:16:33 AM Joshua christine ure too high
4/10/2007 12:16:35 AM Joshua christine u might do something bad to it
4/10/2007 12:16:36 AM christine Joshua I WANT JON'S TERM PAPER
4/10/2007 12:16:38 AM christine Joshua I WON'T
4/10/2007 12:16:42 AM christine Joshua i won't sacrilege it
4/10/2007 12:16:47 AM Joshua christine when chritine is drunk
4/10/2007 12:16:50 AM Joshua christine she uses chim engrish
4/10/2007 12:16:53 AM christine Joshua I NEED JON'S TERM PAPER
4/10/2007 12:16:54 AM christine Joshua BADLY
4/10/2007 12:16:55 AM Joshua christine u might denigrate it
4/10/2007 12:16:59 AM christine Joshua what's denigrate
4/10/2007 12:17:00 AM christine Joshua i won't
4/10/2007 12:17:02 AM Joshua christine i dunno
4/10/2007 12:17:04 AM Joshua christine sounds bad
4/10/2007 12:17:09 AM christine Joshua the real SOFT COPY is with him anyway
4/10/2007 12:17:18 AM Joshua christine i dont believe in piracy
4/10/2007 12:17:31 AM christine Joshua i'm not even doing the same topic as him!
4/10/2007 12:17:33 AM christine Joshua COME ON
4/10/2007 12:17:43 AM christine Joshua YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN PIRACY AND YOU HAVE HIS TERM PAPER
4/10/2007 12:17:45 AM christine Joshua HOW RIGHTEOUS
4/10/2007 12:18:40 AM Joshua christine mine came frm the ownder:P
4/10/2007 12:19:03 AM christine Joshua FINE
4/10/2007 12:19:09 AM christine Joshua i'll complete mine ON MY OWN
4/10/2007 12:19:11 AM christine Joshua *starts singing*
4/10/2007 12:19:22 AM Joshua wants to have a Video Call. Answer (Alt+C) Decline (Alt+D)
4/10/2007 12:19:26 AM You missed a Video Call from Joshua.
4/10/2007 12:20:40 AM Joshua christine i cant rmembe rwhere i put it
4/10/2007 12:20:41 AM Joshua christine :P

Hahaha Josh cracks me up all the time. Same with Ced, Dodo, Ronggy and all my other friends.

I guess I'm really lucky :)

Labels: friends, living in switzerland, reflections

Shit I'm sick. :(

And one other thing... I'm getting tired of planning trips for people who don't appreciate it. :(

Labels: living in switzerland

Time is slowing ticking away, and I don't want to spend tonight alone.

Labels: living in switzerland