1. I love music - classical music, jazz, blues, bossa nova, some pop, little rock, a little alternative... nothing metal nor trance. I'm not a big fan of rap/hip hop. It's imperative for me that someone likes the same music as I do. Things would not be pretty otherwise.

2. I'm an incredible home person. It's true. I absolutely love to spend time at home with my family.

3. I'm predictable and boring. But I love to travel. I love to try crazy things like sky diving (not base jumping!!), paragliding...

4. I can devote my life to playing the piano and learning languages. I'm currently spending my summer dabbling in music, learning French... ignoring German a little. ;)

5. I love cities, but would really like to go to some place less developed. On my list are some countries in Asia, and going to other exotic places like South America and Antarctica. I definitely HAVE to go to Antarctica. It's one of my must-dos before I die things.

Recently I was asked if he's my boyfriend, where he took me. He's so much better than you in so many ways, but things aren't measured this way, and I'm not seeing him.

I wish I could say, no, you are the person I'm seeing. But that isn't true either; you left. If I'm seeing someone, I think I know who he is. But I want to give you another chance to come back.

I want something dramatic - like you flying back here, appearing on my doorstep on a weekend morning telling me we're going somewhere. Telling me that you realised you had to come back, and that you didn't want to stay there. Then as the days pass, and there's no sign of you ever coming, I'm waiting for something, something that says something.

The nights pass by, and I give up thinking that you'd do anything for me ever.

I've been fair to you; I've given enough time. And now we'd see where this next wind takes us.

The wind you're no longer part of.

Labels: memories of, men, summer

Everything isn't what they seem. Really.

Labels: rambling, summer

I got home not too long ago. It's 6.04AM, and in another 6 hours I'm supposed to be fresh and ready to meet my friends.

Labels: friends, I AM HAPPY

source: getty

"...but I dread even more the empty corners that appear, with haunting regularity, as the days go by, and the consciousness of the resigned ease with which he's let me go."

*

If you think I don't know you're gone, I do.

Every time I wake up now, I head straight to the bathroom to wash up. When you were around, I'd check if your car is there.

I'd think of how we already had plans to travel together, how you're supposed to come. But now I know, I know that ticket will lead you elsewhere. If you think I'm happy planning all my winter break vacations, I am. But it wouldn't be the same without you. I'd traipse every street thinking if only you're here to see this.

I already miss how, at this ungodly hour, I'd not be at home but somewhere with you. When I get home, I'd want to call you, tell you how my day was, and listen to how your day was. But now I pick up the receiver and realise that I can no longer do the same.

I can live without you, but I don't want to.

I'm happy with my life, sure I am. I'm not upset, the nights are no longer tough, but you know, I miss you. Really.

Labels: memories of, men, reflections, summer

harvard, this early january

The night is silent with the unerring certainty that you've gone.

I'm taking a bus, a bus I used to take. It stalls right in front of where we had our last memory. The driver's trying to figure out what's wrong, but I'm staring straight ahead.

The place never moved, but we did.

It's a long night. For one second - a few minutes actually - I think of calling you; you'd be here to send me home. We'd probably deviate somewhere else. But my phone has no juice, and you're no longer here.

The bus finally kicks into motion, and as it moves pass the place, I don't turn back to look. Like the wind you're unpredictable, unable to grasp; but I'm no longer living in your air.

Labels: memories of, men, reminiscing, summer

this is in new york city, my laptop on the desk where everything gets typed!

"Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events.” - Adrienne Rich

It's an ungodly hour; you're telling me you could just fall asleep right here without going home. I'm getting bitten. You laugh - laugh that I'm not wearing jeans the way you are.

Then, "I'd rather I get bitten than you."

I tell you that I haven't had dinner. Watch your reaction and the expression on your face. I want to know. But I already know, I already knew weeks ago, so why this, why now, why ask?

You're trying to coax me, coax me to sleep. I don't want to; I'm telling you, I want to be here with you, not to sleep. But are you really listening, are you really seeing?

*

I'm actually over and done, done and over. I'm scared how quickly I've recovered, but then again, I shouldn't be that surprised.

Labels: I AM HAPPY, memories of, men