Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to. - Oscar Wilde
Thank you vel, and all my close friends for being here for me. I'm actually feeling a lot better, but the real test is for when he is away.
I'm afraid, of course I am, but there is no other way to go.
I was pottering around in my porch late last night trying to organise my shoe boxes when I realised that it was a mistake; that I still am waiting, waiting for something that would never come.
A friend thinks that I'm sounding better, that I should really stop waiting and get on with my life. I'm not waiting, I say. I'm leaving. I left. That's the reality behind the seconds, minutes and hours we are apart.
Peis thinks that the problem with this is that neither of us dares to say anything about it. But I came up with my own theory; that there is nothing to say, and all there is to this is to leave. No texts, no calls, and no replying to any texts, and no picking up of phone calls. It's easier said than done though, but I'm doing good so far.
After all if it's dead, I wouldn't go back checking to see if there's a pulse. I'd just go away.
Are you lonesome tonight Do you miss me tonight Are you sorry we drifted apart Does your memory stray to a bright sunny day When I kissed you and called you sweetheart Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight
Spoken: I wonder if you're lonesome tonight You know someone said that the world's a stage And each must play a part Fate had me playing in love you as my sweet heart Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue Then came act two, you seemed to change and you acted strange And why I'll never know Honey, you lied when you said you loved me And I had no cause to doubt you But I'd rather go on hearing your lies Than go on living without you Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there With emptiness all around And if you won't come back to me Then they can bring the curtain down
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight
*
Heh I realised Father's Day is today, not a week ago.
I've been alternating between feeling shit and feeling just okay. And now I'm in the latter, so things are good.
Meanwhile I might be in the land of Bintan soon with people I love, or somewhere remotely near because when I checked my bank account balance yesterday I screamed until the whole Orchard MRT could hear me.
This means I cannot go to the land of Hong Kong as planned, and will have to wait quietly until I am finally in the land of Swiss! :) But before that I need to get my house done and start to make a list of all the rubbish I'm bringing over.
Going off for dinner now. You are dearly missed - I was going through your photos early this morning wondering where I kept all your old ones, then I realised that they are all in memory, all in my heart.
It's 3.39AM. I'm actually in this state of insomnia just because.
The night outside is quiet and I wish I have someone to hold, but I'm okay for now. I'm wishing that I can be far away from an already good year, and to be someone else who has less than what I have but who is happier than what I currently feel.
It also happens to be Father's Day, so have a good one, Dad. Even though you don't read this, just in case one day when I'm in Switzerland and you're reading this, I have thought about how to spend today. I'll be taking you out for a simple dinner later. There might be cake. We'll see. But I'll make sure that you're happy. I love you.
I'm thinking of all the Dads in the world and how some other people are celebrating Father's Day. How some aren't. I'm lost in deep thought now. Wishing I have more time here before I leave, wishing I can spend every second laughing with my parents and friends. Every time I work late into the night at office, I'm just filled with tiredness and a huge part of me (actually all of me) misses my family and friends. If there's one thing I'm looking forward to every day, it's coming home to see my parents, or to meet my friends elsewhere. I can't describe how thankful I am to have you all here with me, even if it's not physically, but at least in spirit.
Last night, I really wanted to make it to Peis' place, but I couldn't because I had a late night again. But I was really touched. I don't think they will ever know this, but even though I don't make it to 80% of their outings (a ratio which is decreasing all the time now), I cherish them a lot.
I was reading this and went on a huntdown for vel's poem. It goes like this: Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round, Or listened to rain slapping the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight, Or gazed at the sun fading into the night? You better slow down, don't dance so fast, Time is short, the music won't last. Do you run through each day on the fly, When you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply? When the day is done, do you lie in your bed, With the next hundred chores running through your head? You better slow down, don't dance so fast, Time is short the music won't last. Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow, And in your haste not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die, Cause you never had time to call and say "hi"? You better slow down, don't dance so fast, Time is short, the music won't last. When you run so fast to get somewhere, You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It's like an unopened gift thrown away. Life is not a race so take it slower, Hear the music before the song is over.
Vel it's already summer and we need to do our sitting on the beach/airport/esplanade thing soon.
I'm looking at our shadows, then at you, then back at what lies far ahead. The city's transformed by darkness, and we are the only people watching the world pass us by. I could talk to you the whole night; I could continue to lie right here just listening to your voice. Unknowingly I'm already feeling better; your presence fills me up the way hot chocolate does on a cold winter night.
Nothing else matters; only that I'm here with you. That I have someone to turn to, even if it is just for this while.
And I can't bring myself to leave; I want to only because this must end, but I can't imagine living in a world without you for some time. Then again maybe as time passes by you'll mean nothing to me, and I'll have nothing to lose.
1. I love music - classical music, jazz, blues, bossa nova, some pop, little rock, a little alternative... nothing metal nor trance. I'm not a big fan of rap/hip hop.
It's imperative for me that someone likes the same music as I do. Things would not be pretty otherwise.
2. I'm an incredible home person. It's true. I absolutely love to spend time at home with my family.
3. I'm predictable and boring. But I love to travel. I love to try crazy things like sky diving (not base jumping!!), paragliding...
4. I can devote my life to playing the piano and learning languages. I'm currently spending my summer dabbling in music, learning French... ignoring German a little. ;)
5. I love cities, but would really like to go to some place less developed. On my list are some countries in Asia, and going to other exotic places like South America and Antarctica. I definitely HAVE to go to Antarctica. It's one of my must-dos before I die things.
Tagboard.
such great heights.
cbox. :)
people i read
I write Apres Sunday, which is something that's more public and known to my friends.
Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to. - Oscar Wilde
Thank you vel, and all my close friends for being here for me. I'm actually feeling a lot better, but the real test is for when he is away.
I'm afraid, of course I am, but there is no other way to go.
I was pottering around in my porch late last night trying to organise my shoe boxes when I realised that it was a mistake; that I still am waiting, waiting for something that would never come.
A friend thinks that I'm sounding better, that I should really stop waiting and get on with my life. I'm not waiting, I say. I'm leaving. I left. That's the reality behind the seconds, minutes and hours we are apart.
Peis thinks that the problem with this is that neither of us dares to say anything about it. But I came up with my own theory; that there is nothing to say, and all there is to this is to leave. No texts, no calls, and no replying to any texts, and no picking up of phone calls. It's easier said than done though, but I'm doing good so far.
After all if it's dead, I wouldn't go back checking to see if there's a pulse. I'd just go away.
Are you lonesome tonight Do you miss me tonight Are you sorry we drifted apart Does your memory stray to a bright sunny day When I kissed you and called you sweetheart Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight
Spoken: I wonder if you're lonesome tonight You know someone said that the world's a stage And each must play a part Fate had me playing in love you as my sweet heart Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue Then came act two, you seemed to change and you acted strange And why I'll never know Honey, you lied when you said you loved me And I had no cause to doubt you But I'd rather go on hearing your lies Than go on living without you Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there With emptiness all around And if you won't come back to me Then they can bring the curtain down
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight
*
Heh I realised Father's Day is today, not a week ago.
I've been alternating between feeling shit and feeling just okay. And now I'm in the latter, so things are good.
Meanwhile I might be in the land of Bintan soon with people I love, or somewhere remotely near because when I checked my bank account balance yesterday I screamed until the whole Orchard MRT could hear me.
This means I cannot go to the land of Hong Kong as planned, and will have to wait quietly until I am finally in the land of Swiss! :) But before that I need to get my house done and start to make a list of all the rubbish I'm bringing over.
Going off for dinner now. You are dearly missed - I was going through your photos early this morning wondering where I kept all your old ones, then I realised that they are all in memory, all in my heart.
It's 3.39AM. I'm actually in this state of insomnia just because.
The night outside is quiet and I wish I have someone to hold, but I'm okay for now. I'm wishing that I can be far away from an already good year, and to be someone else who has less than what I have but who is happier than what I currently feel.
It also happens to be Father's Day, so have a good one, Dad. Even though you don't read this, just in case one day when I'm in Switzerland and you're reading this, I have thought about how to spend today. I'll be taking you out for a simple dinner later. There might be cake. We'll see. But I'll make sure that you're happy. I love you.
I'm thinking of all the Dads in the world and how some other people are celebrating Father's Day. How some aren't. I'm lost in deep thought now. Wishing I have more time here before I leave, wishing I can spend every second laughing with my parents and friends. Every time I work late into the night at office, I'm just filled with tiredness and a huge part of me (actually all of me) misses my family and friends. If there's one thing I'm looking forward to every day, it's coming home to see my parents, or to meet my friends elsewhere. I can't describe how thankful I am to have you all here with me, even if it's not physically, but at least in spirit.
Last night, I really wanted to make it to Peis' place, but I couldn't because I had a late night again. But I was really touched. I don't think they will ever know this, but even though I don't make it to 80% of their outings (a ratio which is decreasing all the time now), I cherish them a lot.
I was reading this and went on a huntdown for vel's poem. It goes like this: Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round, Or listened to rain slapping the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight, Or gazed at the sun fading into the night? You better slow down, don't dance so fast, Time is short, the music won't last. Do you run through each day on the fly, When you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply? When the day is done, do you lie in your bed, With the next hundred chores running through your head? You better slow down, don't dance so fast, Time is short the music won't last. Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow, And in your haste not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die, Cause you never had time to call and say "hi"? You better slow down, don't dance so fast, Time is short, the music won't last. When you run so fast to get somewhere, You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It's like an unopened gift thrown away. Life is not a race so take it slower, Hear the music before the song is over.
Vel it's already summer and we need to do our sitting on the beach/airport/esplanade thing soon.
I'm looking at our shadows, then at you, then back at what lies far ahead. The city's transformed by darkness, and we are the only people watching the world pass us by. I could talk to you the whole night; I could continue to lie right here just listening to your voice. Unknowingly I'm already feeling better; your presence fills me up the way hot chocolate does on a cold winter night.
Nothing else matters; only that I'm here with you. That I have someone to turn to, even if it is just for this while.
And I can't bring myself to leave; I want to only because this must end, but I can't imagine living in a world without you for some time. Then again maybe as time passes by you'll mean nothing to me, and I'll have nothing to lose.
