1. I love music - classical music, jazz, blues, bossa nova, some pop, little rock, a little alternative... nothing metal nor trance. I'm not a big fan of rap/hip hop. It's imperative for me that someone likes the same music as I do. Things would not be pretty otherwise.

2. I'm an incredible home person. It's true. I absolutely love to spend time at home with my family.

3. I'm predictable and boring. But I love to travel. I love to try crazy things like sky diving (not base jumping!!), paragliding...

4. I can devote my life to playing the piano and learning languages. I'm currently spending my summer dabbling in music, learning French... ignoring German a little. ;)

5. I love cities, but would really like to go to some place less developed. On my list are some countries in Asia, and going to other exotic places like South America and Antarctica. I definitely HAVE to go to Antarctica. It's one of my must-dos before I die things.

In case anyone was wondering, I am still very much alive. Have just been spending a copious amount of time with jon who promised he would get his butt from norcal to singapore my friends and best friends and people claiming to be my best friend in the library :) And daydreaming of going to Japan with my teammates hahaha. And trying to materialise plans for my class's holiday.

Yeps. Spent more than 130 hours in the library I think for the past week. I should be given a medal or something.

My paper's on Tuesday. I'm supposed to get up in five hours' time to go for discussion IN THE LIBRARY.

The other day I came late on Saturday and a friend was right in front of me walking towards the lift. He was just saying to his girlfriend "I have a feeling that C.hristine is here somehow". Then he turned around and saw me and realised that I AM here. Hahahaha that was quite funny.

You know what, I'll really miss my class (and friends) when I'm in S.witzerland, and when I come back from S.witzerland to find them all overseas. I mean, all these little things that they do kind of touches me sometimes. Like I've not experienced that for a long time in other people. And I really hate leaving. Then coming back to an empty campus ):

A friend of mine (whom I've confided too many secrets to I believe) accuses me of being fickle-minded. The kind of classification that is usually followed by "How can you date so many people at the same time?" (er, not many) and "Can't you just focus on one person?". I'm exaggerating lah. Makes me sound more interesting than I actually am right.

Not too long ago someone asked me a question - one concerning commitment. And I said no. My answer was so automatic it scared me even. But I guess, I guess it's the right answer. Haha I think even I am sick of myself saying no to people.

Nope, he's not the person you're thinking about. Another one. I'm feeling a little lousy and tired and down right now because of no reason at all. I've been questioning about a lot of things lately but now I've finally got the answer. And the answer is screw it. Cos I really don't care what everyone else says - or feels - about this, I know what is going on. And I trust how I feel about this. Whee.

Okay I've got to pack and get to sleep. Or else I'll be acting very drunk in the library later this morning. Haha deviation of plans. My favourite medic XY IS ONLINE.

Labels: college, friends, rants

"You don't believe I can play this?"

I shook my head "No".

Then he walks to my piano and sits down. Lifts the cover, looks at me and starts to play. The music calms me. It's a song we both know. And it's all too familiar now, just like we heard it yesterday.

A few nights later I take a walk wishing he would come out to walk, too. He's at home. But there's no sign of it ever happening. The silence in this area is maddening.

So I walk alone. I should panic that there is so little time left. I don't. Moments later someone comes and asks me why am I walking alone.

"Nobody wants to walk with me."

"That is cos you didn't ask."

Labels: men, reflections

Life has been unpredictable; this year is crazy with its ups and downs. The past few weeks I've soared to the highest of clouds and fell all the way back to the ground.

The past few days I cry during dinner. I cry while writing. I cry in the car, knowing I have to stop crying because I don't want to reach my destination full of tears, or appearing to have cried. Then there are those who stay with me because I'm on a good run, and blame me, citing my flaws when I'm on a low. Then there are times when I stop crying completely because I'm too tired to cry, because I left office at 2+AM yet again.

My friends from college, who've teased me for being so good, are witnessing my fall. Some of them don't know, cos I refuse to admit I'm dying. And those who know are rendered speechless, because I'm supposed to be good at this. They try to make me feel better, and I cry more because of that.

Then there's Dad who had to witness me crying all the way from school to work.

I hate crying in front of people, much less my father.

And I hate to cut short my crying because people are coming around.

And I don't want to cry in front of you, either. I don't need a shoulder to cry on; I just need to get back on track. So give me a few more weeks. I'll be okay.

It's just another low. Things will get better again.