claim me from here
Saturday, July 28, 2007 6:17 PM
Bravery is what I lack. Cowardice I have in abundance.
I'm closing my eyes now; I remember the last time I did this, it was so to prove to you that I could be of equal standing with you, but I can't help recalling now how much further apart we are - miles and miles of distance between us, and there's nothing we can do about it.
He asked me once, "do you feel guilty?"
And as I look at your photos, your christmas, the answer is all too apparent.
This is all too easy.
Je ne peux pas couler dans vos bras parce qu'ils ne m'attendent pas..
Labels: reflections
new year resolutions
Friday, July 27, 2007 4:35 PM
It's nearing the end of July, and I've completed two new year resolutions:
1. Find a job before going to University
Which I did - a lot of memories came with that, not all of them entirely pleasant. Nevertheless, I'm happy to say that I've worked for about 4.5 months and know the value of money (really - I spend a lot less now, not that I spent alot before having a job).
2. Get a driver's license
Which I did - passed on my first attempt, and was incredibly lucky. After I passed, I did call Mom (she made me call her) - but afterward, while waiting for the video thingy (we're supposed to watch this safety video), I called him because I wanted to share this with him and was actually feeling upset - something that I did not admit to him because I guess I didn't want to admit to myself that I cannot function independently without him... just not yet. Hearing his voice over the phone really made me feel better. There was once I told him, after watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, that seeing Lupin on screen reminded me of him (he didn't take it as a compliment) because the way Harry finds solace in Lupin is exactly how I feel; I find solace in him.
Labels: new year resolutions
you're always waiting
Tuesday, July 24, 2007 5:16 PM
It has come here, back to square one.
This should be simple.
iveacquiesced; i've acquiesced. Acquiesce?
"to assent tacitly; submit or comply silently or without protest; agree; consent: to acquiesce halfheartedly in a business plan." - dictionary.com
This blog is my muse; not supposed to be public, but yet it is. It doesn't matter. It'd be hard for anyone - most people whom I don't want noses poked into rather - to find this.
Note to self: Unlike most blogs (I sound very much like someone now), I don't swear to religiously blog daily. It might be vacated for weeks. Months.. or years (I doubt it..unless I'm off to an adventure overseas without access to the internet). But I will be back to write.
I spent the evening in the rain today. It was raining, then it wasn't; intermittent. Now everyone's asking about the dream I used to fiercely pursue. What about that now? Are they mocking me? I don't know. It suffices for me to know that I have attained what I set out to do, and I'm not afraid to pursue it... but there's always a time and place for things to happen.
That is about all for now; there is a survey below, one that I'm actually re-doing out of sheer boredom.
* * *
Current mood :: Elated! I've just talked to someone I've never talked to in about 6 weeks!
Current music :: Er I'm multi-tasking.. watching a hongkong drama as well. No music.
Current taste :: Finished consuming 3 slices of walnut cake (which I just bought from Bengawan Solo..I always said that if I had a brother, he'd be very lucky for the endless supply of food) and milk
Current hair :: Long, layered in the front, and parted in the middle.
Current clothes :: A white tee shirt and dark navy track trousers.
Current annoyance :: None :)
Current smell :: My nose is blocked.. *sneezes*
Current thing I ought to be doing :: Sleeping! Honestly.
Current desktop picture :: A default wallpaper from HP. Er that's hewlett packard, not harry potter.
Current favorite band :: No favourites.
Current book :: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I've finished it on Sunday actually..and I cried and cried and cried... no spoilers here, not to worry. I don't spoil :D
Current cd in stereo :: Haha the last CD I've heard was from Whitney Houston; the songs that went on loop were "Run to You", "Saving All My Love" and "I Have Nothing".
Current crush :: No one. Honest.
Current favorite celeb :: Oh dear I'm really boring. Don't have one!
Current hate :: GOING BACK TO SCHOOL! I'D NEVER DO IT IN A MILLION YEARS. NEVER! *starts drawing placard to protest for liberty*
DO I
Smoke? :: No, and always won't. I don't even breathe around smokers.
Have a dream that keeps coming back? :: Keep having nightmares lately.. last night's was the worst..worse than death.
Read the newspaper? :: Yes.
Have any gay or lesbian friends? :: Oh yes. Quite attractive at that.
Believe in miracles? :: actually.. i do.
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? :: Definitely.
Consider yourself tolerant of others? :: No!
Consider love a mistake? :: I used to, but I see that I'm wrong now.
Like the taste of alcohol? :: Yes, but not too strong ones.
Have a favorite candy? :: If chocolates are counted..
Believe in astrology? :: Sometimes they work.
Believe in magic? :: Not decided.
Have any pets? :: Oh dear. Now that we've got to pets, Dad wants this rayleigh or something. I don't even know what it is (it is some dog). Sounds a lot dangerous than my favourite golden retriever.
Go to or plan to go to college? :: Going to one in a very short while..
Have any piercings? :: Ears.
Have an obsession? :: Yep. The TV.
Have a secret crush? :: Haha no.
Do they know yet? ::
Care about looks? :: Not really. If it is my looks, I do care about it, haha. If it's how others look, no. If it's about how men look, it's alright as long as they look pleasant.
LOVE LIFE
Ever been in love? :: It happened so long ago, I'm not sure if it's real.
Do you believe in love at first sight? :: No.
Do you believe in "the one?" :: Yes, yes I do, but not naively. I don't actively search for "the one", or actively believe that in the end, I'd get married to "the one", because I don't seek to be attached in the long term. I surprise myself so much sometimes, being asked these questions.
JUICY STUFF
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing? :: Err no.
Have you ever been intoxicated? :: Of course not.
Height :: 5'6" I think, or 166.5cm (shrunk by 1 cm in a year!)
LAST THING YOU
Bought :: A walnut cake from Bengawan Solo. This was mentioned earlier.
Ate :: Er walnut cake. *embarrassed*
Drank :: White HL milk.
Read :: The Straits Times.
Watched on tv :: Still watching.. VV Drama.
EITHER/ OR
club or houseparty :: House party. Not a club person.
cats or dogs :: Dogs! They're loyal! It's time we stand up against infidelity! Haha!
single or taken :: Happily SINGLE.
pen or pencil :: Depends. Pencil.
gloves or mittens :: Gloves. Like winter gloves.
food or candy :: Food!
cassette or cd :: CD! Actually neither.
coke or pepsi :: Neither! I don't drink gas.
this or that :: This!
WHO DO YOU WANT TO
Kill :: All my future professors so I'd never have to do work? Or possible annoying future schoolmates?
LAST PERSON YOU
Talked to :: Mom.
Hugged :: Mom.
Instant messaged :: Good question. Friend I've not talked to for six weeks.
WHERE DO YOU
Eat :: Home, coffeeshop opposite home. Usually..
Wish you were :: I'm fine with where I am.
HAVE YOU EVER
Dated one of your best friends? :: Good question. No.
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? :: Haha I think I did once, but I'm not sure if I loved that person, it happened so long ago.
Broken the law? :: Er I wouldn't mention it here if I had, but nothing serious I think (Jaywalking is done everywhere)
Run away from home? :: Contrary to popular belief, no.
Broken a bone? :: Fortunately not!
Played Truth Or Dare? :: Yes. I do take dares, but am not afraid to speak the truth. It's so long ago anyway.
Kissed someone you didn't know? :: Yes, it happened last December.
Been in a fight? :: Not physically.
Come close to dying? :: Yes.
WHAT IS
The most embarrassing CD in your collection? :: Hah! Not telling!
What's your bedroom like? :: Very white. I have a white 5-by-5 shelf, a white cupboard with sliding white doors, a white bed, white desk and a brown desk, an air-con, windows flanking two walls (all walls are white), a modest LCD TV, a computer and the occasional laptop. The windows have two views - one to my neighbour's and our garden, the other overlooking the estate)
Your favorite thing for breakfast? :: One slice of toast, sometimes plain, sometimes with peanut butter.
Your favorite restaurant? :: Don't have one, but I do like Jack's Place, Swensen's, Crystal Jade and the Asian Kitchen.
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night? :: Something light that fills my stomach. Most likely toast.
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? :: Don't know.. I cry at most movies. Hahaha.
What is your biggest fear? :: Not being good enough.
What feature are you most insecure about? :: Err I don't know.
Do you ever have to beg? :: Sometimes.
Are you a pyromaniac? :: No.
Do you know anyone famous? :: Yes.
Describe your bed :: It is a white, single bed. It has a sleeping pillow, a big pillow, a bolster and a blanket. Usually in light pink (big pillow will be strawberry shortcake, blanket is a rich but tame hot pink), white with fruits, or light purple covers.
Spontaneous or plain? :: A choice.
Do you know how to play poker? :: Yes. I learned it in college.. honestly I think college taught me all these social games.
What do you carry with you at all times? :: Outside, my cell phone.
How do you drive? :: Hahaha. Now that I'm qualified to answer this, hopefully quite good. It's my driving test tomorrow!
What do you miss most about being little? :: Not worrying about growing up. No responsibilities.
Are you happy with your given name? :: Yes.
How much money would it take to get you to absolutely give up the Internet for one year? :: Not a lot. I'd do it for free. But of course, if there's money to be earned...
What color is your bedroom? :: White.
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? :: Yes, I like myself sometimes. And I don't believe in myself, but I'd try.
Do you think you're cute? :: Haha no.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? :: No. I feel sorry for them.
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? :: No.
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends? :: I spend more time with myself.. I don't know why, I do like solitude.
You ever been caught "doing something?" :: Haha no.